May 28 2016

When you think of a newborn baby you think of love, joy and excitement. A new chapter in your life, full of twists and turns, nothing quite like anything you’ve experienced. But that’s exactly what it is, nothing you’ve ever experienced. There is such a high, but there are days of extreme low, all the feels & low energy. This is something that I thought I would not have the chance to experience. I look at myself as someone who is cheerful, exciting and energetic. Thinking about the possibility of PPD or just the extreme highs&lows of having a baby, didn’t cross my mind. Until it did. It rocked me. I won’t go as far to say that I experienced PPD, but there was definitely moments and days of depression and jealousy. Sad of the days that I couldn’t just be myself and move, write and craft as I wanted and jealous of my husband being able to just pick up and go. Go to work, visit and joke around with his colleagues, play baseball for the summer and simply still be apart of community.

This is my story.

How becoming a mother changed my perspective on social time, family time and me time. How crucial the balance in-between is.

I would find myself constantly asking myself, ‘where am I going?’, ‘when will I be better?’, ‘where is my identity?’ Yes I am Ez’ mother and Mackenzie’s wife, but really, Who am I now? I am not, in no way, saying this negatively, but if I had been able to prepare myself for the fourth trimester, getting on and growing strong with baby life, I would have. I would have prepped, I would have pampered, I would have given myself a reality check and checked IN with ME.

Yes, yes, all who know me and have met me before babe would see an outgoing, energetic, extrovert. I will have to correct you here. Since becoming a mother I feel like my life has shifted (surprise, surprise). Being an extrovert with a baby really rocks you. I now feel as though I have to be social ALL the time because I am around my sweet girl. Absolutely no personal time and then when hubby gets home or I have time to go out with friends, I don’t want to. I’d rather go sit in my room with my computer, Netflix & popcorn. Introvert.

WHO SAW THAT COMING?

In the past I would crave the social interaction. I would feed off it, find joy and find peace in it. To me, there was nothing quite like a morning, afternoon and evening out with the girls. Seriously; 24/7. When it really comes down to it though, plain and simple, I really do need to look out for me and my mental health. How was my day? Was it tough? Should I go out tonight? Will this all just snowball in to tomorrow if I don’t take some time to rest and just be. Bringing myself back down after a day of constant ‘mommy-I-need-to-have-one-hand-on-you-at-all-times-or-else-I-will-cry-bloodymurder’ calls for a well needed glass of grape juice, fishy crackers and good ol’ HGTV.

What are some things that you’ve found have helped you through the dull&darker times of motherhood? Especially in that first year. What have you found to be a comfort to you? old or new? I want to hear your thoughts and help you through this special, amazing and empowering time of motherhood!

Xox.